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First, as always, a thank you to Randi for her gracious generosity and talent. Her editing skills leave me in awe. How she turns scribble into text, always makes me smile. An apology to Randi as well. Her editing was sensational, but as I always do… I re-wrote a large portion of it after editing… A crime of the worst proportions. Any errors are mine, not Randi’s. You want to blame somebody… That’d be me.
A thank you as well to Nicole, who volunteered to be my American victim, slash reader.
The story comes with a warning. It’s a story which revolves around a couple of female cricket players. I know… Cricket, it’s a weird game, and a lot of it will seem alien to Americans. I apologise for that. I hope you can stick with it. There is a story hiding within.
*****
The knock at the door took me by surprise. It was almost nine in the evening. Cautiously, I swung open the door, too an even bigger surprise.
“Alice…”
“Hi Quinn, it’s nice to see you.” The anxiety etched into her face, and the uneven hesitancy seemed incongruous with her smile.
“What…” I couldn’t form a response. Flabbergasted doesn’t state it firmly enough. “What in gods name are you doing here. what do you want, Alice?”
“I was hoping we could talk.” Her smile gone, replaced by a scowl hinting of desperation.
“Don’t be ridiculous. What on gods earth do we have to talk about? I don’t think we have anything to say, do you?” She looked awful. It had been more than ten years. Even so, she looked gaunt, washed out. Her skin had a deathly awful pallor.
Looking dejected and desolate, she almost pleaded. “Could I come in please, Quinn?”
Not really knowing what to do, I sucked in a deep breath and stepped back, waving her inside. She moved as if the weight of the world sat mercilessly on her hunched shoulders. I recalled the easy grace with which she moved as a young woman. Like a mountain lion. Graceful, yet purposeful. The ease of an athlete.
“I ask again, Alice, what is it you want?” I said closing the door behind her.
“I wanted to say sorry. To apologise for the way I treated you. It wasn’t fair, and I need you to know I regret the way things ended for us.”
Her words caused me to waver, my legs somehow weak. She appears from nowhere, no warning no phone call and dumps that on me. “Why… Why now after all these bloody years?”
“Because I needed you to know it wasn’t your fault. It was mine, it was all on me. I was such a selfish stupid egotistical bitch. I never considered your circumstances. I said and did some dumb shit. I have felt and carried an enormous guilt for what happened, for the way it happened.”
“It’s in the past. We have both moved on from there.” I replied wondering why. Did she need money?
“Maybe, maybe not. I know you won’t believe me, but. I have thought about you everyday, Quinn.”
Sighing deeply, I gestured for her to move into the lounge. “Would you like tea, or something?” I moved mechanically trying in vain to understand. It seemed surreal in some weird way. After all these years, she appears like it was yesterday. A spectre…
She nodded pensively. “Tea would be nice, black, one sugar please. Raw if you have it.”
Moving into the kitchen, I filled the kettle and turned it on. Cups and saucers…
“A lovely home, Quinn.”
“Yeah, thanks. I like it.” I called back, my nerves feeling frayed, stretched.
“You have fabulous taste as always. Do you have a partner?”
The question felt like a stiletto blade sliding painfully into my ego. “No… You?”
“No,” She giggled trying to unsuccessfully hide her discomfort. “Still single. Comes from being married to the job, I suppose. I thought you were in a relationship with that TV personality, Joanne somebody or other?”
“Christ, that’s ancient history. We broke up like two years ago.”
She shrugged casually. “Guess I’m not much of a sleuth.”
“Come on, Alice, I appreciate the apology, but what happened between us was a long time ago. Why are you here. There’s got to be more to it?”
I watched as she nodded, her head moving so slowly it was almost imperceptible. Her eyes could no longer hold mine, unstoppable tears trickled down her cheeks. “I’ve got breast cancer.”
It was like a slap in the face. I gasped in complete shock. My mouth dry, my tongue unable to move. Her body shuddered, her hands covering her face as she sobbed uncontrollably.
I jumped to her side, my arms automatically circling her, drawing her close. “It’ll be okay, Ali, shush… Let it out, let it all out.” We rocked back and forth as I massaged her back in comforting circles.
“That’s it babe… Let it all out.” Her sobs increased. Her body shuddering wickedly. I pulled her head into the side of my neck. Her saturated cheeks dampening my cotton track suit top.
God knows how long we sat like that, but eventually. I felt her shudders slow, her hands wiping away the tears. I took the opportunity to rush off for some tissues.
“Thanks.” She whimpered as she Tuzla travesti wiped her eyes, and I again tried to comfort her. All those years of hatred miraculously vanished. She was my best friend before it all turned to shit. Now here we were, and all the animosity just dissolved. We cuddled for a while until I felt she was able to support herself.
“When did you find out?”
“A month.”
“You’ve known for a month… What’s happening? Have they booked you in for more tests, a second opinion, surgery?”
She nodded, her eyes again filling with glistening tears. “I go under the knife next week.”
“Is it…” God, what do you say at times like that? “Is it bad?”
“I’m having a double mastectomy.” I watched as she reached for her tea, and I realised it would be cold. “No, I’ll make us a fresh one, aye?”
I stood, taking the cup from her hand. “Would you like something stronger?”
“No, tea’s fine. Thank you, by the way.”
In the kitchen I flicked the kettle back on and got fresh cups. My body simply sagged, wilted. The only thing holding me up was the bench. Struggling unsuccessfully to hold back the tears. I felt her beside me, her hand resting lightly on my shoulder. “I’m sorry for dumping on you.”
Turning to slide my arms around her, we were again in a cuddle. “It’s okay, you’re going to get through this, Alice. You’re strong, you’ve always been the resilient one, the tough one.”
“Don’t bloody feel like it at the moment. I keep breaking down and bawling me stupid eyes out.”
“Christ, I’d be worse. How bad is it? Like is the cancer in both breasts?”
“No, just the left. I’m having the double mastectomy for safety. I couldn’t stand to go through this again.” The kettle screamed and I turned to pour the tea. “Do you want a bickie or something? I’ve got chocolate chip.”
“Trust you, that sounds great.”
We returned to the lounge with out tea and the biscuit jar.
“Where are you staying?” I asked feebly.
“In a hotel down on Blenheim Road.”
“Why aren’t you staying with your parents?”
“They’ve moved. Brought a holiday place up in the Bay of Plenty. Whakatane, I think.”
“Alice, you’ve got loads of other friends here. You don’t have to stay in a bloody hotel.”
“No, everything’s changed. They’ve all got young families, jobs. It’s not the same. I was gone a long time, Quinn. Things change.”
“Yeah, I suppose so. I do bump into some of the old gang when I go down to watch games. Some of them have remained in touch.”
“I bet, now that you’re a famous commentator, TV and radio personality; they all want to be your friends.”
“I’m hardly famous. Nobody cares about women’s cricket. I go down to watch the girls play and when I look around the grounds, there’s hardly a soul in sight. It’s frustrating as hell.”
“It’s big overseas. In Aussie, it’s really taken off.”
“Yeah, well they’re the world champs. Typical Aussies.”
“They take it seriously, Quinn. There’s money in it. Some of the top girls are making enough that they don’t have to work.”
“Well, you played over there for several years. You should know.”
“I coached there as well. Wonderful set up. The grounds are excellent, and the facilities, oh my god. Stunningly good. Showers, proper changing rooms.”
“Yeah, I suppose we’re getting better, though. Now that the men’s and women’s T twenty games run on the same day. Crowds are picking up. We do have a couple of the best players in the world, you know.”
“Yes, agreed, they’re special. The rest of the team’s not so hot, though.”
“Oh, I don’t know. We do have a couple of nasty fasties.”
A little colour had returned to her face, the worry lines easing. “God, I can’t believe you have a jar full of these things,” she said with a smirk as she worked through her forth biscuit. “They were always my favourite.”
“Oh, I remember. I seem to remember catching you in my kit bag stealing mine.”
“I wasn’t stealing.” She snickered. “I knew you brought them for me.”
“Get off the grass. They were my favourites, as well.”
A little silence crept into the room, an awkwardness. “You’re not staying in a frigging hotel. I have a spare room which isn’t being used. You’ll stay with me.”
She shook her head; I could see my words shocked her. “Quinn… I didn’t come here looking for sympathy, or a bloody room.”
“I don’t care. Okay, things were pretty shitty for a long time, but we’re still friends. I’ll not let you go through that alone.”
“Are you sure? Bloody hell, I feel stupid. I came here tonight to make amends. So I could move on, let it go. Not to guilt you into helping me.”
“You didn’t force me, Alice. I offered because regardless of the past. We are still mates. Okay, you fucked up, and really pissed me off, but we’re still friends. What happened is in the past.” I couldn’t believe I just said that. I’d hated her with a ferocity not many could match.
We finished our tea, and the silence returned with an eerie vengeance. “Why Tuzla travestileri did you come here tonight Alice?”
“Truthfully… The diagnosis scared me. When I took stock of my life, I didn’t like some of it. The way I treated you was awful, and I didn’t want to die with that on my conscience.”
“Don’t you dare talk like that. Nobody’s dying. You will be okay. Cancer’s not the death sentence it once was. Medicine has moved so fast.”
“Yeah, wonderful. Bloody hell, Quinn. Even if I do frigging survive, my life’s over. Who’s going to want a woman with… with… Christ I wouldn’t even be a woman.”
“Don’t say it. Stop with all the self-pity. I’m sure you’ll be able to get restorative surgery. Christ, you could even get an upgrade. Once you get rid off those pesky little things you could go for some big monsters.”
“Hah, I seem to recall you thinking my pesky little ones were pretty nice.”
I smiled as her piercing big brown eyes bored into me. “Yeah, you were always the cute fit one. Always like a frigging gazelle.”
“Not any bloody longer. I’m going to be ugly as fuck, disfigured. Even with surgery. Nobody would want me. I’ll end up alone and unwanted.”
“Fibs… You’ll be as popular as you always were.”
“Not bleedin likely. I fucked up my life. I haven’t had a proper relationship. Just casual encounters. Mostly just sex… I can’t remember the last time somebody told me they loved me. It was probably you.”
“That sounds awful.”
“Oh, you know… It’s my own fault. I was as much to blame. Always looking for something better. I had my defences up, gal on a mission. I let my ego get the better of me. Constantly cutting people out who were trying to get in.”
“Why couldn’t you do both? How would having a relationship reduce your chances at having a successful career?”
“I’m not like you, Quinn. I didn’t have your talent. I only got there by throwing everything I had at it. You were so talented, me not so much. Focus and hard work. That’s all I had. The moment I let other things seep in. I was stuffed.”
“What a load of crap. You were always way more talented than me. Christ, Alice… You only had to look at my average to see that.”
“Figures don’t tell the story though, do they? You are a wonderfully loving and caring person. You would happily take on other people’s pain and do anything to help. You never even considered how it would affect your career.”
She was right… I knew that. Not the bit about the talent, but letting relationships take away my focus. Probably my biggest hurdle was never walking to the crease with a clear head. I always had something on my mind.
The number of times I walked out to bat with the latest argument Quinn and I had… It was too many to count, and yeah, it always affected my concentration levels. The bowler would already be in their run up and I was still fuming about something insignificant Quinn said.
“I’m right aren’t I?” she said softly, her eyes staring at me accusingly.
“I never committed one hundred percent to the game. It didn’t mean that much to me. I admit that.”
“That’s where we were different. The bloody game meant everything to me. I wanted to be the best, and I was prepared to do anything to get there.”
“Yeah, I agree with that. You certainly destroyed some great friendships.”
Just those few words killed all our conversation. The brooding silence returned, oppressive and so hard to get out from under.
Alice broke it. “Would you mind if I made another cuppa?”
“Stay there. I’ll get it.”
“I’m not a cripple, Quinn. I can make tea.”
“You don’t know where anything is. I said I’ll do it.” I said huffily. As I stood and picked up both our cups, she stood with me and followed me into the kitchen.
“So how are you holding up?” I asked.
“Honestly, I’m bitter, but mostly terrified. I feel like criminals on death row must feel. I’m waiting to die.”
Again, the animosity dissolved a little more, and I hugged her again as we waited for the kettle to boil. “It’s going to be okay. You can get through this. How advanced is the cancer, like is it in the early stages?”
“The doctors all said I’m lucky that I caught it in time.”
“See, that’s good. The chances have to be much better.” Her body trembled; this was something I’d never seen in all the years I’d known her. She was afraid of nothing. It didn’t matter how fast or life threatening the bowling was. She never flinched, never backed away.
In the field she volunteered to be the close in fielder. The rest of us cringed with a certain amount of fear. She just did it.
Seeing her shivering in fright was a new experience. Tightening the embrace, I rubbed her back, ran my fingers consolingly through her hair. “It’s going to be all right. I’m here for you. We can get through this.”
“I’ll lose my hair.” She sobbed.
Alice had an ego, it was always there front and centre. She was attractive and knew it. She had an athlete’s body. Taut, sinewy Travesti tuzla with wonderfully shapely legs. Her arse, god it had always been gorgeous. The perfect shape. I’d lusted after it just like everybody else.
Her features were delicate, and her hair was wonderfully lustrous. Even after a long day in the field, her hair looked shiny. The naturally light brown suiting her skin perfectly.
I remembered the first time she died it blonde… I cried, because the natural lustre, the shine was stripped away by the blonde.
“It will grow back, and I’ve heard when it does, it’s new and fuller.”
“Oh yeah, in the mean time. I have to walk around wearing a stupid scarf tied around my head.”
“You would look gorgeous, like Jackie Onasis always did.”
“More like the queen walking her Corgi’s.”
“For gods sake Alice. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. Heavens girl, that’s not you.”
“It’s how I feel. I can’t help but feel like my life is over.” More tears flowed as she wilted before me. “Sorry, Quinn, but truthfully. I’m waiting for the axe to fall. Even if I survived, which I doubt. I’ll never be the same again.”
I had to let her go to make the tea. “It’s going to be fine. I can help. First thing in the morning we’ll go and pick up all of your things from the hotel and bring them back here.”
“Aren’t you going to be busy?”
“No… I’ve got nothing on. The beauty of being self employed and working from home is my hours are mine.”
“No TV stuff?”
“Nah, it’s off season. I write articles for several magazines, and I have a blog. Nothing I can’t put off.”
“I watch all of your blogs. I’m a subscriber.”
That surprised me. “I’ve never seen your name?”
“I have several aliases. I knew you’d probably delete and block me if you knew it was me.”
“God, don’t be so dramatic. I would have been surprised, but in a pleasant way.”
“Didn’t feel that way when you opened the door tonight.”
“You caught me off guard.”
“I bet.” She said with a humph…
With the tea poured, we stood at the bench sipping the piping hot brew. “What about you Alice. Are you working?”
“No, my contract just finished. That’s the thing with coaching. There’s no certainty.”
“You enjoy it… The coaching?”
“Sometimes, but really after I finished my playing career. It was one of the few options open to me.”
“What about commentating. I’m sure there would have been a few interested parties.”
“Surprisingly no. I think I burned too many bridges. I did some shitty things Quinn.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard some of the rumours.”
“They’re not all true.” She whispered defensively.
“Really, what about you sleeping with Karen Schloppe, even though you were in her partners team?”
“Yeah, that one was true. It wasn’t all my fault. Believe it or not. It was Karen who came onto me. She flirted to piss off Felicity. I just took it up a notch. Mostly to get back at Felicity. She was the captain, and it was always her pushing me down the batting order to bat at eleven. I hated that.”
“I can imagine, but sleeping with her girlfriend to get back at her. That’s pretty awful, not to mention childish.”
“Karen came onto me. She was never that into their relationship. I wasn’t the only one either. I was just the one caught.”
“Certainly made the front pages.”
She snickered. “Yeah, if you’re gonna make a splash. It may as well be a big one.”
“Uh huh…”
“What about you Quinn. What happened with you and that presenter. You looked to be on the way to the alter. I remember reading you were engaged.”
“We were in different spaces. Leanne, was wonderful, and I did care for her. I think we both realised it was like rather than love. When we got right down to it. Neither of us wanted marriage. It wasn’t until we started making plans that we actually talked and figured it out.”
“That’s sad. You made a sweet couple. Although, you were way out of her league. She would have been lucky.”
“Stop it.” I muttered, before I smiled coyly. “Once we spoke honestly. We knew we had just got caught up in the moment. We both wanted a relationship. We both wanted something deeper.”
“I’m sorry it didn’t work out.” Alice said with what at least appeared to be sincerity.
“As they say. Onwards and upwards.”
With our tea finished, I stood up needing to stretch. “Come on. I’ll show you to your room.”
“Quinn, you don’t have to do that.”
“I don’t have to do anything. Nobody has a gun to my head. I choose to help because we’re still friends. A lot of water has passed between us, Alice. I still remember when we first met. Two newbies. I choose to help that friend.”
She slipped into my arms again. “Thank you. I think I needed to hear that more than you will ever know.”
“You’d do the same for me. I know that much.”
She nodded, her voice nothing more than a husky murmur. “Yes I would. Sisters forever. It’s what we pledged.”
I opened the door to the spare bedroom. It had hardly been used over the last few years. “It’s not much, but the bathrooms right across the hall. I’ll bring in some towels and things. Although, if you ever need more, the linen cupboard is next to the bathroom.”
“Choice, thanks Quinn.”
“No worries, we’re still sisters… Aren’t we?”
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